LIGHTS UP ON...

STACY, a popular high school girl. She's alone, carrying her backpack. Suddenly ALEX comes bounding from stage right. He's wearing glasses and a "Frodo Lives" T-shirt with ill-fitting cords.

ALEX
(Out of breath.)
Stacy...Stacy...Uh, hi. Er...I was wondering...um...the school dance is this weekend and...Uh I was thinking ...uh...would you like to...

STACY No, Alex.

ALEX Huh.

STACY
Alex, you're a nice guy but you're just too geeky.

MAN IN SUIT
(From off Stage Left.) Not so fast, Stacy!

Just then, Alex freezes and a MAN IN SUIT enters. He speaks with a TV announcer's cadence.

STACY
Who are you?

MAN IN SUIT
Who I am is not important.

He puts an arm around Stacy and walks her up stage right.

MAN IN SUIT
What is important is that you are about to pass up a golden opportunity.

STACY
What, Alex? But he's a...

MAN IN SUIT
A geek. Yes, I know. But what you fail to realize that the geeks of today are more than likely to become the movers and shakers of tomorrow.

STACY

Really?

MAN IN SUIT
Absolutely. Some of the biggest names in entertainment and business started out as young boys, shunned for their less than masculine frames and odd obsessions, until they parleyed them into fame and fortune. Leaving behind a trail of angry and bitter former tormentors.

Stacy just looks at him.

MAN IN SUIT
Allow me to demonstrate.

He looks stage left and waves in TOM. A big guy with a kiwi accent.

MAN IN SUIT
This is Tom Perkins. He was born in Pukurea Bay, New Zealand. And as a high schooled, he was a star rugby player, had a new girlfriend every week and regularly terrorized a young A/V geek by the name of Peter Jackson. Tom. Tell us what happened your freshman year of college.

TOM
After a game, me and the mates went out for a few brews. Somebody bet me I couldn't lift an Ice Cream truck over my head. Long story short, several torn ligaments ended my rugby career and I lost my scholarship.

MAN IN SUIT
And what you do for a living now?

TOM
Well, I was selling homemade Gollum figurines to tourists in Wellington.

MAN IN SUIT Until?

TOM
The cease and desist order from WETA and New Line. (Under his breath.)
Fat kiwi bastard.

MAN IN SUIT Thank you. NEXT!

Tom exits. CHARLTON enters. He's in his fifties.

MAN IN SUIT
This is Charlton Maxwell. Born in Phoenix, Arizona. He was a track star and the geek he tormented was Steven Speliberg. Charlton, what happened to you?

CHARLTON
Some friends and I were out in the desert downing some beers. A friend slipped me a tab of LSD. Next thing I knew, I was in the hospital with thousands of puncture wounds. (Beat.)
Apparently...I'd tried to fuck a Cactus.
(Beat.)
Got busted for possession and lost my scholarship

MAN IN SUIT
And what did you do the weekend "Jaws" opened?

CHARLTON
Got drunk and drove my truck into a Tastee Freeze.

MAN IN SUIT
And what do you now?

CHARLTON (Under his breath.) Sanitation worker.

MAN IN SUIT Thank you. NEXT!

Charlton exits.

STACY
I think I get the point.

MAN IN SUIT
Wait. You gotta hear this next one. It's a pip.

STANLEY enters. He's wearing a flannel shirt and jeans.

MAN IN SUIT
This is Stanley Johnson. Born in Seattle, Washington. And in Junior High, he and his friends would regularly beat the living hell out of...

STACY
Wait. Let me guess, Bill Gates?

MAN IN SUIT

Ba-bingo.

STACY
(To Stanley.)
And you injured yourself how?

STANLEY
Actually, I never went out for sports in high school. I got good grades. Got my M.B.A. at Harvard and took a small bakery and built it up to the fifth largest snack cake company on the east coast.

STACY
Oh. Then it sounds like you did all right for yourself.

STANLEY
I did...until I lost the company to a hostile takeover by Microsoft.

MAN IN SUIT
Told you it was a pip.

STACY
Microsoft bought a snack food company?

STANLEY
Yeah, well...I guess you give a guy enough wet willies, he doesn't care how he diversifies his holdings.

MAN IN SUIT
Now he runs a small rug cleaning company in New Jersey. But it's not that efficient because he refuses to update his office.

STANLEY
I can't even look at a PC without throwing up. I have to do my books on a Commodore 64 I picked up at a garage sale.

MAN IN SUIT Thank you.

Stanley Exits.

MAN IN SUIT
You see, Stacy. Most geeks discover at an early age the thing they love. And they peruse that thing with a great passion, often filtering out what they consider unimportant. Like fads, fashion, regular exercise. And as a result, they spend their time alone. But this aloneness only feeds their drive to secede. This is why they often outshine their non-geek brethren. Take Alex. He spends his summers making super 8 movies. Sure, right now,

they're mostly recreations of scenes from "The Lord of the Rings". But he's learning the skills that will serve him well in USC Film school and later, a multi-picture deal with Dreamworks.

STACY Dreamworks!!

MAN IN SUIT
Uh-huh. Quick question. Who did you want to go to the dance with?

STACY
Tad Williams.

MAN IN SUIT Quarterback?

STACY
And dreamy!

MAN IN SUIT
Dreamy he may well be but does he have any great passion other than football?

STACY
Well, uh...on weekends, he likes to go to the dump and shoot rats.

MAN IN SUIT
I see. Well, let me tell you something Stacy. You may have a good time at the dance. And maybe he'll grow out of his anti-rat phase. But keep this in mind. With Tad, you are always one Rotor Cuff injury away from food stamps and trailer parks!
(Beat.)
The choice is yours.

Pause. Stacy then moves to Alex who unfreezes.

STACY Alex?

ALEX Y eah?

STACY
Screw the dance. Let's make out under the bleachers.

ALEX Uh...okay.

They run off Stage Left. The Man In Suit addresses the audience.

MAN IN SUIT
So remember girls, popularity is fleeting. Date smart. Date geek. Thank you.

As he bows, we go to ...BLACKOUT.